A social experiment for offline matching through real conversation. More disrespect to privacy?
Once in a while, one of these quirky dating trends pops up, and this time it’s the Pear ring. A decade ago, it was “single bracelets,” which served the same purpose as this ring – to announce to the world that you were single and ready to mingle in real life. Pear rings, dubbed “the opposite to engagement ring,” aim to eliminate the need for dating apps, a feat the rubbery and brightly-colored bracelets from ten years ago could only dream of.
In 2023, with a staggering 366 million people swiping left and right on dating apps, and we find ourselves drowning in the sea of modern dating behaviors like exercise , yoga , and gaming , which seem to thrive only in the virtual realm. It’s no wonder that some folks yearn for a more old-school approach to meeting potential partners. The theory goes that if everyone wore a ring to signify their relationship status, it would render dating apps obsolete and spare us those awkward conversations at bars or on Namma Metro as we attempt to connect the traditional way.
Pear proudly labels their endeavor as the “world’s biggest social experiment,” and while they claim two global sell-outs and are now 90% sold out, it’s still a bit puzzling how effective they’ll be until they gain more recognition.
It’s only on a Thursday night, while sitting alone at a bar wearing the Pear ring, that a tall, dark-haired man finally takes notice – of the ring or me, I can’t be sure. He’s now less than a metre away, and the eyesore of a ring sits conspicuously on the hand I’m using to hold my glass of wine. “I like your rings,” he says. “What’s that one? I’ve never seen one like that before.” He’s referring to my right hand, where there’s an antique ring from my grandmother. I’m perplexed. “I thought you came over because of this one,” I pointed to the turquoise ring on my other hand. He furrows his brow. “What’s that?” he asks.
“Especially with the younger generation, who grew up with dating apps, and even for middle-aged daters who’ve had to adapt to more tech-savvy, text-heavy dating, we’ve become rusty in real-time, spontaneous conversations,” explains dating coach Meera Kochar. She notes that this is why speed dating and singles nights are making a comeback. “The way people use dating apps has become unreliable in so many ways, from fake profiles to stretching the truth in their bios. People have become so fed up that they want to return to the basics – getting out there and getting on with it. A visual cue like a ring is a cute idea, but I’m not sure people are observant enough to notice it. In cities, people rush around with their eyes glued to their phones, minds elsewhere, and avoid eye contact at all costs. We’d have to be highly attuned to what a single ring means to decipher its existence at all. And herein India we also have some cultural limitations to express our relationship status in this way or privacy hack in real world”
After a week of wearing it, I don’t feel any more empowered or noticed by anyone. It also seems a bit cumbersome. Wouldn’t it be easier to just open with a direct “Are you single?” Instead of taking this meandering route? I tried it in a bar (with the ring on, although he didn’t notice), and the guy responded, “Sort of… I’m in an open relationship.” So, I walked away. Mission accomplished, but it was messy. “Open” relationships aren’t our cup of tea, but if we use this as an example, it appears that the ring at least makes me more flirtatious.
“Most people would love to know if that attractive stranger who’s caught their eye is definitely single before approaching, so the idea of wearing a physical symbol of your availability and sexuality sounds appealing,” says Adolescent Counselor Gopi Chand . “But it’s important to remember that while a ring might let you know who’s open to a conversation, it’s far from guaranteed that there will be mutual interest. Ring or no ring, people will still have to go through the process of figuring out who they want to date. Despite the complexities involved, spontaneous real-life meetings are a wonderful thing to explore if you’re single. If wearing a Pear ring helps you feel more confident doing that, then maybe it’s worth it for that reason.”
After the initial bar experiment, I decided to try the ring in different locations – on the bus , on the metro , in the UB city mall, and essentially everywhere I go for three weeks. Does it get me more dates? Unfortunately, not. It’s only when I hang it on a chain around my neck that anyone seems to notice it, but both times that happens (once with a male and once with a female), they only ask, “What’s that?” instead of “Shall we go out for a drink?” When I explain it’s a single ring, they both ask, “Why?”
Women, in particular, can’t seem to wrap their heads around it. Frustrated by their confusion, I decide to poll various people in bars, and the female opinion is beyond bewildered. “What’s the point, though?” they ask after I echo the Pear ring philosophy. According to Gopi, women take comfort in being able to reject unwanted advances by claiming they’re already in a relationship, so perhaps that’s part of the resistance. As for men, none can envision themselves wearing one, but eight out of ten admit that they’ve been made to feel that initiating conversations is unwelcome and “too much.” “You don’t want to be one of those guys accused of harassing someone or whatever,” a 31-year-old man concludes.
It’s a shame that a few men have spoiled it for others, I thought but I still believe there’s hope for a return to the old style connections everyone craves. Perhaps if we all just treated each other a bit nicer, we wouldn’t need to purchase rings or bracelets to announce our single status. There’s also the environmental aspect – these rings are plastic, and with three different sizes sent to every person (presumably, the two that don’t fit are discarded), it’s not exactly an eco-friendly way to find a date. Anything that rebrands being single as more positive is worth a try, and when all your friends are getting engaged, it’s nice to feel like you can proudly wear your relationship status on your hand.
Yet, maybe it’s time we modernized the most basic pickup line in the book (“Are you single?”) and see where that takes us. After three weeks of rather dismal results from the Pear ring, that’s the conclusion not a verdict. It still has the charm of a phygital experiment.
